In the business of theology it is hard not to be controversial - Jurgen Moltmann

Sunday 14 December 2003

簡單,平靜,充實,快樂

輕輕的,在愛丁堡第一個學期溜走了,帶走了很多片雲彩。
本來這裡的「學期」只是為修課的同學而設,研究生並沒有正式的「學期」(和假期) 可言,但十二月始終臨近聖誕,神學院裡剛剛舉行過將臨節崇拜 + 教授土製酒會 (超正) + 蘇格蘭傳統舞會 (Ceilidh),隔一天又來個學期結束崇拜 + 聚餐,圖書館又通告甚麼時候聖誕收爐,一切一切都提醒我們:學期完了。

兩周前香港隊三缺一飯聚,就很慨嘆八個星期過得真快。
而我們這個「拋妻棄夫神學三人組」,更是七周以來首度人齊而又沒有國際友人加入,無幾可吃一頓純廣東話晚餐,由互相關心大家的工作進度談到蘇格蘭香港中國,天南地北天旋地轉,由7:40一直坐到11:40泰國餐廳打烊,認真盡慶。


至於我這兩個多月以來的生活,可以用八個字總括 (是呀,我在愛丁堡已經兩個多月啦):
簡單、平靜、充實、快樂。

我本來就是個生活簡單的人,但原來簡單還可以更簡單,在這裡幾乎是跟古人看齊,只不過跟日出日落脫鉤罷了 --- 基本上是「起床而作,上床而息」,而萬事萬物都沒有定時。哈哈。

平靜嘛,夜裡讀書寫作,就常常是聽著自己的呼吸聲,翻書聲,寫字時筆尖刮紙聲,電腦鍵盤聲,和房間超寧靜時耳朵裡的烏烏聲。曾有段日子會開著網上電台的音樂,英國希臘捷克南韓的古典音樂台到New Age Music都聽;可是近一個月來常要超集中,就連音樂也不開了。
有點恐怖嗎?一點也不。習慣了就很享受啦。


充實和快樂都是毫無疑問的,而且比預期中充實和快樂得多。

傳統上,在英國唸博士是沒有課堂的,基本上是自己做研究,定期參與研討會,但時移世易矣!
由於各個撥款研究的機構覺得太多研究生磨下磨下磨幾年都搞唔通自己想點,DUM波鐘晒米飯,於是施壓力令各大學加強督導,讓學生唔駛咁迷茫,兼且唔駛霸住個位累街坊。凡是四年都未完成博士論文的,大學和學生都會有排受,好自為之。
愛丁堡大學神學院便指定所有研究生第一個學期必修「神學研究方法」,又積極建議我們參與旁聽一些碩士課,讓我們每周見下人不致自閉。另外按英國大趨勢實行雙指導制 (即每人有個2nd supervisor),規定每學期最少跟指導老師正式會面三次,無得潛水。

我是個好學生,聽從指導老師的「強烈建議」,這個學期便旁聽了「媒介意識與神學」和「基督教倫理」,另外自己貪得意又八卦去坐埋「亞洲基督教神學」。雖曰旁聽,這裡卻根本沒有「旁」與「聽」這回事,實質上除了不用交最後的學期長文之外,其他一切(譬如做報告等)都要做足。最初覺得,嘩,咁搞法都幾係,不過後來習慣了,就沒甚麼而且樂在其中。


必修的「神學研究方法」,每次由不同老師負責,其實是講怎樣在愛丁堡大學神學院 (或英國任何學府) 完成研究學位的生存竅門;除了實際資料外,最有趣的還是聽不同老師分享求學、研究、寫作、甚至求職等實戰經驗,有笑有淚有血有肉,人味十足。

那科「媒介意識與神學」由我的指導老師親自主持,對我來說難度不高卻又有點新刺激,都幾好玩。
我的指導老師麥佐人博士 (Dr. Jolyon Mitchell) ,為人溫文爾雅卻又鬼馬多端,從事學術工作之前,是英國廣播公司世界台和第四台的製作人;目前負責主持愛丁堡的媒體與神學研究計劃,也是「媒體、宗教、與文化國際研究議會」的核心小組成員。到他家裡吃飯,會舒服到不想走;但到討論我的研究計劃,卻唔係講笑,巨細無遺隨時俾佢一野掃低。

至於「基督教倫理」就 … 唉,怎麼說呢。我話晒都有個專攻基督教社會倫理的碩士學位,留學美國頂級神學重鎮波士頓,但依然覺得這科難度屬於偏高至甚高,最初真是一棟都無。它其實是俯瞰二十世紀神學倫理 (Theological Ethics) 的主要人物,常涉及千多年歐陸哲學傳統的討論;我目瞪口呆,只能看著班上三位德國小姐揮灑自如了。
主持這科的講座教授羅邁喬博士 (Dr. Michael Northcott) ,思路縱橫,出入經史百子焯勵風發。初時覺得此人串而可畏,相處數週漸見真情,現在變得很喜歡他,尤其欣賞他對世界的情懷與執著。上週他請一眾同學把酒言歡,個個未食晚餐空肚隊番兩杯感懷身勢清議世情,更是過癮。

對於「亞洲神學」我本來只抱觀望態度,姑且看他們在蘇格蘭竟然學人講亞洲神學搞得出甚麼來。沒想到由於同學五湖四海,南韓緬甸美國加上中國香港特區,討論觀點就非常多元,比在香港講還要過癮。
主持老師高依俐博士 (Dr. Elizabeth Koepping) 本是英格蘭人,但數十年來縱橫歐洲澳洲婆羅洲,近年才搬到蘇格蘭,常說自己認識沙巴多於英國。此人好人兼好客,亞洲烹調又有兩手,每當有藉口便會請大班同學到家裡開餐隊酒,各人自出自入好自由。

除此之外,我棣屬的「神學與倫理科」研討會隔週便舉行一次,討論後有酒飲有薯片食,所以我一定去。我為人好學又貪心,經常出席「神學與公共事務研究中心」的講座,稍有空檔又去埋根本唔關我事的「新舊約研究」和「世界基督教」的研討會,雖然那邊孤鬼寒無酒飲無野食都去。範範的老師同學見我熟口熟面,都當正我是他們那範的,嘻!

[順帶一提,我們研討會都是老師們自己買酒搬酒倒酒洗杯執野的,絕無成隊校工跟尾,堪稱典範,好野!]


不過如此一來,便真的充得好實了。因為以上一切都只不過是旁枝,我目前的主要任務還是要集中搞好自己的研究計劃,所以快樂得很,天天下午三時許天漸黑之後返回房間便很high。
快樂其實是一份很主觀的感覺。很多很多個深夜或清晨,當筋疲力歇上床時,腦袋的思考往往要超過半小時才能停下來,卻常常感到非常快慰,只因我覺得自己正在做這個階段最想做的事情。

至於我的研究到底搞啥鬼呢?時間關係,現在不能講了,還是留待第三學期結束前 [即五六月間] 通過 (或通不過) 評核議會後再說吧,現在講了都未必成事。

最後,容我改編 “Yan Can Cook” 所說的:
If Yam can study, so can you!再見!

(originally my 'Letter from Edinburgh 2' > 14 Dec 2003)

Sunday 30 November 2003

On Going to Church in Edinburgh

I went to a somewhat charismatic church this morning, the Community Church Edinburgh (www.cce.uk.net), without the prior knowledge that it was charismatic. As it’s situated in an old stone church building called the King’s Hall, I expected a somewhat traditional church instead of the band, dance, & long time standing.
Nothing bad about it, only that everything was too long. I was a few minutes late for their 1030 service, but it was only just about to start. I walked in to the pew & found that all the wooden chairs had been taken away & they just filled the place with movable chairs. The altar & choir space were emptied, & a big wooden cross was put at the very front. All people were in jeans & very casual wear --- when I had put on trousers for one of the very few times (thinking that I should perhaps be more respectful as a first-timer). A band was set on the front to our right. Then I knew what style to expect.
Yet, not all were young people though. Perhaps about one fifth were middle aged (40 & 50’ish --- to use the way they put it here, as we would say 40 & 50 something), & a handful of older people. Most of the others I thought were in their 20s.
Initially it made me think of the Saturday worship at Shatin Methodist Church as well as some of the Tuesday worships in Breakthrough. Interesting though, the first hymn was “Be Thou My Vision”, sung with a band backing! There were people dancing & waving huge flags on the balcony & the front (the original choir & altar space). Nice. But the singing part was really long, going for more than 45 minutes. I could not keep standing so long; so, seeing some people sitting down in the middle, I sat too.
Then there was the announcement, for over ten minutes. At that time I started to wonder, “Is there going to be a sermon? Was the ‘message’ already included in the singing-praise in these churches? Mmm….”
Then, at exactly 1140, more than an hour after the service started, someone stood up & started talking. I wasn’t sure he was preaching at first, because he was just like talking casually about various things. Then after several minutes of those, he got into the meat of it. It was a pretty good sermon, starting with Gen 22 (Abraham sacrificing Isaac) & going into Rm 12 (living sacrifice) --- full of life examples, historically rooted, holistically biblical, participatory, engaging reflections; but again, tooooooo long! When the preaching ended, it was about 1235. I don't really mind listening to an hour-long sermon if it’s good, but, O, not after an hour of other things!
Then there was still the communion. Chairs were pulled aside & everybody was standing all over, the preacher broke a big loaf of bread for people to pass around, then poured glasses of wine & passed around. There were also some tiny cups for individual drinking. I walked to the front & drank a tiny cup.
When everything ended & I walked out, it was approaching 1255.
In fact I liked the way many of the things are handled, except the timing. It was engaging, free, spontaneous worship, good music, solid sermon. Well, the theology (as reflected in the worship, but not so much in the sermon) was individualistic & somewhat “self-centred”, but that’s always the case with these kinds of so called “contemporary worship”, isn’t it? It’s the problem of the songs.

So far I’ve been going around several churches here, all within 10 minutes walk from home. I have been to 2 famous churches in the Church of Scotland --- the Greyfriar Tollbooth & the St. Giles. I was more like an observer than a participant there. For me, it’s too high church. Yes, I could appreciate the liturgy (& I even somewhat liked it), but it was this unfamiliarity that made me a distant observer. And for some mysterious reason, I did not understand their sermons! Shame!
I have also been to the Sunday service of a Salvation Army Centre once. Interesting experience. They had the whole band in the service. It was a small congregation (perhaps just around 50 persons or less), many old people in uniforms, some middle-aged, a few younger ones. Despite the uniforms, the whole atmosphere was pretty warm; people would come to greet you & talk to you warmly right after the service. (The congregation was small enough that they could immediately know who was a newcomer.) The sermon was good. The whole thing was more evangelical (in the positive sense) than I would expect.
Then there is the Nicholson Square Methodist Church (www.nicsquare.freeserve.co.uk). This is the one that I have been going back repeatedly. Needless to say, many things (not all, though) make me feel most at home there --- the more-or-less familiar way of worship, the mostly familiar hymns (so many written by Charles Wesley), etc. Sermons are basically solid & lively. The overall outlook is at the same time ecumenical and evangelical. (That’s me!) I can only say that it’s really a Methodist church. People are friendly but cool. (That's really a Methodist church! Haha!) There is also a small addition to the sense of security there --- a few of our fellow students go there too: Savenaca from Fiji, Solomon from Zimbabwe, Amy from Florida. Yet, I am still not at home enough to stay for coffee or lunch.

Chinese church?
There are 2 Chinese churches in Edinburgh but I have not been to any of them. I might visit them some time in future but don’t want to get stuck with any. I heard that they are both about 40 minutes walk from my place. That’s lovely; giving me a good reason for not going. :-p

This nomadic form of church life suits me at the moment, during which I am trying to find (ontologically) a place for myself in terms of faith & theology. Over these coming years of study, I shall continue to swim & sink in the muddy waters between being a most liberal conservative and a most conservative liberal, a muddy zone which I have got into since Boston.

(from my personal journal > 30 November 2003)

Friday 10 October 2003

初入校門深似海

喂喂,好耐無見啦。
當日沙田一聲拜拜,轉眼來到愛丁堡已經接近兩個星期。今晚 (10/10 星期五) 終於可以在家裡接駁上網了。
你大概會說 --- 兩星期?仲以為走左好耐添 …. 又或者會說 --- 咁快兩星期? 咪好似早幾日仲見到? 我自己就覺得,原來還不到兩星期,但好像已經做了很多事情似的。

到步第一天(是星期一),進宿舍、到神學院報到、到大學註冊部門辦入學手續、到住宿管理部門簽租約、開銀行戶口、搞厘搞路,騰來騰去,一天之內可能走過十多里路 (km)。都幾好玩,很久沒這樣走過這麼多路啦,哈哈! 

第二天去全大學的新研究生簡報會,在大學的舊院(Old College)舉行。嘩!我都算見過下世面啦,都仍然覺得場面好震撼 ── 一進去,但見不知道多少人坐在不知道樓底有多高的不知道多少年歷史的大堂裡,坐在其中,像坐在歷史與知識的一個小角落裡,很渺小,很渺小。 

你知啦,來自各地的研究生,個個都以為自己好堅架嘛…..
“Hi, I am XXX from Germany, doing a PhD in Comparative Literature.”
“I am YYY from India / China / Taiwan, doing a PhD in Biogenetics.”
“I am ZZZ from Thailand, doing a PhD in Linguistics.”
“BBB from England, doing PhD in Maths.”
“I am CCC from Korea, doing PhD in Law.”
“I am QQ from HK, doing a PhD in Divinity.”
堅?一個大廳, 五百年歷史,浩瀚人海臥虎藏龍,壓死你,等你以為自己好堅丫拿!死未!
It’s the kind of place that makes you humble。

愛丁堡不愧是所研究型大學,本科生約有一萬六千,另外研究生就有五千八百多人。

第三天輪到神學院( School of Divinity)自己的研究生簡介。
神學院設於愛丁堡大學新院(New College),鄰近愛丁堡的古堡,是英國最大的神學研究學府,共有研究生約150人,另本科生和短期特別生約三百多人。
[喔,可不要被New College這名字騙到,它是1850年的建築;新舊院之間有段可歌可泣的悲壯感人故事,是蘇格蘭教會與國家政治的重要一頁,將來再講啦。]

國際化和國際視野是這神學院的一大特點,更是它的歷史傳統 ── 1910年的愛丁堡大會,是二十世紀普世運動和宣教歷史的里程碑, 就是在 New College 內舉行。這份國際化,從它多年來學生的背景可見。
今年新來的研究生大概四五十人,分別來自津巴布偉,菲濟,緬甸,南韓,印度,愛爾蘭,….. 很好玩;不過其中竟然超過三分一是美國人,德國人也有好些。

今年這裡更有個史無前例的情況,是竟然同時有四個香港新生 ── 一個中國神學研究院的老師,一個中神畢業高材生,一個著名輔導員,再加一個傻佬 ── 其中一個第三次讀博士,兩個讀碩士,一個膽粗粗學人話讀博士 … 最後結果可能都唔知who’s who!哈哈! 總之大家間中總會碰到,講廣東話的機會比預期要多。

哎呀,撐得太遠了,講番第三天。
當天所有老師和全體研究新生會面之後,中午有個 “drink reception”。我對英國野沒甚認識,都不知何謂 drink reception,原來是個informal的酒會,真係有酒飲個隻,正! 我當然不會飲果汁啦,但係都未吃過午餐,肚空空,飲到飄飄地 ….. zzzzz!
一杯在手,見到神學院內唯一的華裔教授 Dr. Tim Lim,便上前搭訕一番;想不到他竟然還能夠講流利國語,還告訴我們幾個香港同學,他的中文名字叫林主榮。此人是研究死海古卷的世界權威,原來比我還少兩歲;最樣衰有個香港同學唔知定 (上述排第三那位),竟然問人是否 also a new PhD student !!! ~~~~~~ !!!!

那天下午跟指導老師談了差不多一個鐘頭,晚上腦袋已經開始翻來轉去,盤算著月中要交的修訂研究計畫。緊張生活,從翌日開始。

呀,還有不得不提的開課聖餐,思想基督身體的合一,在這個五湖四海共聚一堂、各大門派共冶一爐的環境裡,真是別有一番感受。但是真正的好戲還在後頭 ----- 我們是真真正正的同吃一個餅,同飲一個杯 ----- 嘩,真係一個杯傳來傳去每人一啖架,大佬! 老實說,最初真有點緊張,但體會到這樣其實正正是聖餐的意義,便釋然的等待杯子傳過來,然後大啖喝下去。唔,D酒好啃,超正!

>>>哎呀唉呀,寫得太長啦,都未入戲肉。遲些再來吧。<<<

(originally my 'Letter from Edinburgh 1' > 10 Ooctober 2003)

Monday 29 September 2003

日落波士頓 . 日出希斯魯 . 頻撲愛丁堡 -- Day One in Edinburgh

The simple fact that I am in Edinburgh as a doctoral student is amazing enough.
And this first day here is … should I say amazing? Memories of the past, dreams for the future, and overcoming challenges on hand ... all added up together.

I had never slept so well on a plane. This time I amazingly woke up only once in the middle of the flight, and got back to sleep easily, only to be waken up for breakfast couple of hours later.
The red rising sun getting up from the horizon at Heathrow Airport reminds me of the Boston sunset 17 years ago, when I was heading west on Massachusetts Turnpike after landing. Before that day, I had never been in a car, on a highway, facing the setting sun. What a view! This memory reminds me of the excitement of that day, when I was exclaiming to myself “the dream comes true”. But this morning, I did not have that kind of excitement. Not on that level, at least. Perhaps age has made me more reserved --- even to myself.
Like Boston, Edinburgh is an old historic city with all kinds of cultural attractions to visitors, only that Edinburgh is much older in many senses.
When I was there, Gordon-Conwell was 100 years old. Harvard was 300 (or 350?). The University of Edinburgh? Exactly 420 this year. Well?

It was also a half day of action after I arrived...11:45am checked in to room at Richmond Place, connected phone service...2:30pm got matriculation (registration) packet from Divinity School...3:00pm bought sandwich & coffee @2.25 @ Rainy Hall...3:50pm opened account at the Bank of Scotland, deposited 4000...4:50 matriculation (registration) done, university card on hand, tuition payment by term settled...6:30pm residence agreement signed...7:00pm bought falafel & water @3.50. Still don’t know how to register for net access from room.

(from my personal journal > 29 Sept 2003)